(Section 2 of 2)
Author: Apostle Kelvin Franklin
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|[FROM VOWS] Living in
Holy matrimony Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her, in sickness and in
health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?
to my wedded wife, to have and to hold
from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in
health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy
ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
| 25. Husbands, LOVE YOUR WIVES,
even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it;
| 26. That he might sanctify and cleanse
it with the washing of water by the word,
| 27. That he might present it to himself
a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be
holy and without blemish.
| 28. So ought men to love their wives
as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
| 29. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but
nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church;
| 30. For we are members of his body, of his
flesh, and of his bones
Husbands are the spiritual heads of their homes. Their duties
are: supreme authority in the home, rule, teach, training, love their wives, children,
sacrifice for his own marriage by looking at Christ's sacrifice for the church, and
providing spiritual and physical nourishment for his wife's body.
Here are some principle that I believe should be followed as a
1. He should NEVER SPEAK EVIL OR DISGRACE HIS WIFE
BEFORE ANYONE. A study of JAMES 3:1-18 will show you just how destructive words
2. He should GIVE her the LOVE
and ATTENTION that she NEEDS.
3. He should learn to SACRIFICE, even as
Christ, when it works to the increase and growth of his marriage.
4. He must INSIST on ONENESS and provide LEADERSHIP
in the marriage relationship.
5. He must ensure the lines of communication remain open with
6. Remember: Sexual relations is the most critical part of a
Marriage is the natural equivalent of Christianity. If we
cannot accomplish the natural, we will not be able to accomplish the spiritual. God places
great emphasis on this fact throughout the new testament. (see also EPHESIANS 5:31-33)
|1 TIMOTHY 3:
| 4. One [A Bishop] that RULETH WELL HIS
OWN HOUSE, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
| 5. (For if a man know not how to RULE
HIS OWN HOUSE, how shall he TAKE CARE OF THE CHURCH OF GOD?)
| 12. Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife,
RULING THEIR CHILDREN AND THEIR OWN HOUSES WELL.
NOTE: LOVE IS NOT A FEELING OR DESIRE, IT IS A
COMMITMENT (SEE 1 CORINTHIANS 13).
|[FROM VOWS] Man to thy
wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance, in the holy estate of matrimony?
Wilt thou obey him and serve him, love, honor, and keep him, in sickness and in health;
and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?
To my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for
better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and
to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance, and thereto I give
thee my troth.
| 22. Wives, SUBMIT yourselves
unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
| 23. For the HUSBAND IS THE HEAD OF THE
WIFE, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the
| 24. Therefore as the church is subject unto
Christ, SO LET THE WIVES BE TO THEIR OWN HUSBANDS IN EVERY THING.
| 3. The aged women likewise, that they be in
BEHAVIOUR AS BECOMETH HOLINESS, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of
| 4. That they may TEACH the
young women to be sober, to LOVE their husbands, to LOVE
| 5. To be DISCREET, CHASTE, KEEPERS AT
HOME, GOOD, OBEDIENT TO THEIR OWN HUSBANDS, that the word of God be not
Wives are suppose to submit to their OWN HUSBAND: Genesis
3:16, Amos 3:3, I Corinthians 14:33. They are also responsible for running the household:
see also Proverbs 31:1O-31, I Timothy 3:11, 1 Peter 3:1, Proverbs 31:10-31. God makes a
big statement for the wife to submit to the leadership of her husbands. Both, however, are
suppose to submit themselves one to another.
| 21. SUBMITTING yourselves ONE
TO ANOTHER in the fear of God.
The husband is ordered to love his wife and provide for her
spiritual covering. When both members are doing their part, the relationship will reach a
state of oneness.
|[FROM VOW] As a pledge
and in token of the vows between us made, with this ring. [(In the Prayer) may surely
perform and keep the vow and covenant between them made]
| 4. When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to
pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed.
| 5. BETTER IS IT THAT THOU SHOULDEST NOT
VOW, THAN THAT THOU SHOULDEST VOW AND NOT PAY.
Your marriage vows are stated before God, as well as before
each other. The Lord tells us that by our words we are either justified or condemned: St
Matthew 12:37. Divorce was never intended to be a part of God's plans. It was only given
because of the hardness of man's heart. I encourage you not to harden your heart
toward God and His word.
|[FROM VOW] Those whom God
hath joined together, let no man put asunder.
| 1. Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them
that know the law,) how that THE LAW HATH DOMINION OVER A MAN AS LONG AS HE LIVETH?
| 2. FOR THE WOMAN WHICH HATH AN
HUSBAND IS BOUND BY THE LAW TO HER HUSBAND SO LONG AS HE LIVETH; BUT IF THE HUSBAND BE
DEAD, SHE IS LOOSED FROM THE LAW OF HER HUSBAND.
| 3. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be
married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead,
she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another
|1 CORINTHIANS 7:
| 39. THE WIFE IS BOUND BY THE LAW AS LONG
AS HER HUSBAND LIVETH; BUT IF HER HUSBAND BE DEAD, SHE IS AT LIBERTY TO BE MARRIED TO WHOM
SHE WILL; ONLY IN THE LORD.
In these scriptures you can see that we are bound to our
spouse under the law so long as they are alive. If they die, we are free to marry another.
Notice that when we get married, we are BOUND BY THE
LAW (BONDAGE) to our spouse. Remember this principle concerning BONDAGE:
BEING BOUND BY THE LAW. It will play an important part of the rest of this
discussion. GOD'S PLAN WAS TO BIND US TO US MATE IN MARRIAGE UNTIL ONE OF THE
Also, from the scriptures above, we can see that if we are
freed from our spouse, we are free to marry again. However, we must consult the Lord on
this. As a christian, we are suppose to live for God. We are to be under the guidance of
the Holy Spirit. He will lead and direct us into the right path way. If we desire to get
married, we should pray and ask the Lord to guide us. The Holy Spirit will bring us a mate
as God see fit.
PLEASE NOTE THAT THE ORIGINAL PLAN FOR THE MARRIAGE
WAS FOR IT TO BE A LIFE LONG AFFAIR. This is set up in God's laws. This was God
original plan for the marriage. This is still his plan for the marriage as seen in the
following set of scriptures.
|1 CORINTHIANS 7:
| 10. And unto the married I command, yet NOT
I, BUT THE LORD, LET NOT THE WIFE DEPART FROM HER HUSBAND:
| 11. BUT AND IF SHE DEPART, LET HER
REMAIN UNMARRIED, OR BE RECONCILED TO HER HUSBAND: AND LET NOT THE HUSBAND PUT AWAY
| 12. But to the rest SPEAK I, NOT THE
LORD: If any brother hath a wife that BELIEVETH NOT, and SHE BE PLEASED
TO DWELL with him, LET HIM NOT PUT HER AWAY.
Paul is speaking to a christian couple (both the
husband and wife have committed themselves to following Jesus Christ) in verse 10
through 11 of 1 CORINTHIANS, chapter 7.
God only makes commandments to christians. To people that are
not saved, the only direction that God gives them is to turn from their wicked ways and
accept him as Lord and saviour of their lives. Once they are saved, he then gives them
commandments and principles to live by. Notice that God spoke to both the wife and the
husband. See, the word of God was written for believers and those who wanted to follow
God. It was not written for unbelievers to live by. Since both parties in a christian
marriage are under his control, he has the authority to dictate to them how to live their
For a married christian couple, god gives these COMMANDMENTS:
1. LET NOT THE WIFE DEPART FROM HER HUSBAND.
2. LET NOT THE HUSBAND PUT AWAY HIS WIFE.
Paul let's us know that these words come directly from the
Lord. They are his commandment to a christian couple. If two christians can not live
married, God does allow them to separate. However, they can never marry anyone else as
long as their spouse is alive. If, while their spouse is alive, they decide they want to
get married again, they must remarry (be reconciled) their former spouse.
Note also that in the bible days, the husband was the only in
the marriage that was authorized to initiate a divorce (put away.) Although the wife could
not initiate a divorce, she could leave a marriage situation if she was not satisfied. She
was to remain unmarried and alone. Remember how Joseph was going to have Mary put away
privately when he found out the Jesus had been conceived in her womb.
|1 CORINTHIANS 7:
| 12. But to the rest SPEAK I, NOT THE
LORD: If any brother hath a wife that BELIEVETH NOT, and SHE
BE PLEASED TO DWELL with him, LET HIM NOT PUT HER AWAY.
| 13. And the woman which hath an husband that BELIEVETH
NOT, and if HE BE PLEASED TO DWELL with her, LET HER NOT
| 14. For the UNBELIEVING HUSBAND
is sanctified by the WIFE, and the UNBELIEVING WIFE is sanctified
by the HUSBAND: else were your children unclean; but now are thy holy.
| 15. But if the UNBELIEVING DEPART, LET
HIM DEPART. A BROTHER or SISTER is NOT UNDER BONDAGE in such cases:
but God hath called us to peace.
| 16. For what knowest thou, O WIFE, whether thou
shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O MAN, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
In this selection of scriptures, God is speaking to BELIEVERS.
Notice, he DOES NOT try to control the unbeliever. He gives specific guidance to
christians through Paul.
1. If the UNBELIEVING spouse WANTS TO
STAY in the marriage, WE MUST LET THEM STAY.
2. If the UNBELIEVING spouse WANTS TO
DEPART from a marriage relationship (get a divorce or separated), WE
SHOULD LET THEM GO.
3. In a situation where an unbelieving spouse wants to leave a
christian spouse, THE CHRISTIAN SPOUSE IS NO LONGER IN BONDAGE BY THE LAW OR GOD
TO THE MARRIAGE.
NOTE: A PERSON WHO PROFESS TO BE CHRISTIAN
BUT REFUSES TO BE GOVERNED BY THE WORD OF GOD IS AN UNBELIEVER, REGARDLESS OF THE
PROFESSION THAT HE MAKES.
|ST MATTHEW 7:
| 21. Not every one that saith unto me
Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but HE THAT DOETH THE
WILL OF MY FATHER IN HEAVEN.
|ST MATTHEW 5:
| 8. This people draweth nigh unto me with their MOUTH,
and honoureth me with their LIPS; BUT THEIR HEART IS FAR FROM ME.
A PERSON WHO DOES NOT FOLLOW GOD IN THEIR HEART IS NOT A
BELIEVER, REGARDLESS OF WHAT THEY SAY WITH THEIR MOUTH. IN SIMPLER WORDS, IF YOUR
CHRISTIAN SPOUSE HAS AN AFFAIR AND THEN DECIDES THAT THEY WANT TO DIVORCE, YOU ARE FREE TO
LET THEM GO SINCE THEY HAVE NOT REMAINED FAITHFUL TO YOU OR THE LORD. REMEMBER THAT JESUS
HIMSELF SAID IN ST MATTHEW 19:9 THAT ADULTERY IS THE ONLY AUTHORIZATION FOR DIVORCE.
LOOKING AT IT FROM THIS ANGLE, HIS THOUGHT FITS IN WITH WHAT PAUL IS SAYING IN THIS
SCRIPTURE IF YOU WOULD JUST STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT.
God does not want to bind us to a situation that we cannot
control. Also, God is not going to impose his will on an unbeliever. Neither should we
impose our will on our unbelieving spouse. He releases us from the bondage imposed by the
Law. Notice his exact words in this passage: A BROTHER or SISTER is NOT UNDER
BONDAGE in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. See, God wants to
give us a new lease on life. He frees us to remarry. However, he must be in control of
this new marriage: 1 CORINTHIANS 7:39.
THIS SCRIPTURE ALSO SHOWS THAT WE SHOULD STEER AWAY
FROM MARRYING AN UNBELIEVER. The tense of the verbs and words in this scripture
is written to imply that one of the unbelievers in an unbelieving relationship had gotten
saved. This is understandable since Paul was preaching to people who had never heard of
Jesus Christ. I am sure the fact that many former unbeliever were getting saved in this
culture that did not know of God created a lot of confusion in many marriage. People that
had been totally given to idols were now turning to Jesus. God says that there are no
other gods besides me. If one person turned to God while their spouse remained loyal to
idols, this would create turmoil in their marriage. I am sure many spouses where disowned
by their spouse and their family when they accepted Christ as saviour in their lives.
Even today, many marriage start off with both individuals
being unbelievers. When one spouse gets saved, we end up with the situation that is
described in this passage of scriptures. Paul even commands later on in the scriptures
that we should not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.
|2 CORINTHIANS 6:
| 14. BE YE NOT UNEQUALLY YOKED TOGETHER
WITH UNBELIEVERS: For what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness?
and what communion hath light with darkness.
Looking at this scripture in light of what we've read in 1
CORINTHIANS, we can see why God would not want a christian to marry an unbeliever in most
situations. However, there are rare situations (see the story of Hosea and the Whore in
the book of Hosea) that must be considered also. ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT IT IS
EVERY CHRISTIAN'S RESPONSIBILITY TO ENSURE THAT THEY ARE MARRYING THE PERSON THAT GOD
WANTS THEM TO MARRY.
I will leave you with these scriptures on divorce.
| 31. It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away
his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
| 32. But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put
away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and
whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery. (St Mark 10:7-9, Romans
7:2, St Matthew 19:3-9)
Anytime we consider divorce for any other reason than
fornication, we are going against God's will. To consider God's will, he never intended
for there to be a law of divorcement (Malachi 2:16).
|[FROM VOW] I pronounce
that they are Man and Wife, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy
ONCE WE ARE PRONOUNCED MARRIED, THE COVENANT IS SET INTO EFFECT
CNN FACTOID (CNN News, 30 Aug 1990, 1200 hrs): An esquire
survey reports that the leading causes of marital fights are in order: Money,
Household chores and relatives
This survey supports God's word. The Love of Money is the root
of all evil (1 Timothy 6:10). Money problems generally stem from the fact that either the
wife will not submit herself to her husband or the husband will not submit his marriage
unto the Lord.
If we can understand the way God meant for a marriage to
operate, then we will begin to truly understand the operation of the church. The pastor is
not autonomous, he must answer to God. His role is to speak to God and then lead the
people: not as he wishes but as God wishes. Numerous times, we want to override the pastor
and do things our own way. What we fail to realize is that he sees farther into the future
than we do. He's not special. God needs him to know things so that he won't lead God's
people astray. We should learn to submit ourselves and follow his wishes as long as they
don't conflict with the word of God. What we want to do may seem perfectly innocent and
harmless but the potential problems down the road could be devastating. God and the pastor
guides us out of their love and concern for us. In the same manner, the wife should learn
to submit themselves to their own husband.
I recommend each husband and wife discuss and review these areas:
a. A Basic need of the man is respect and honor.
b. A basic need of the woman is love and support.
c. Both members must do their part in order for the marriage
to be effective.
d. The aspect of forgiveness in a marriage.
e. The aspect of money in a marriage.
f. The aspect of conflict with relatives and friends in a
g. The concept of friendship in a marriage with one's mate.
h. The concept of applying God's words without feeling and
biases in your marriage.
God's word is quite simple. It tells us what we must do in
order to be successful and also what we can't do. We must act on the word of God once it
is understood. We don't have to agree with it or feel motivated to do it in order to apply
it to our lives.
If our marriage is ever to succeed, we must learn and adhere
to God's principle of forgiveness. I recommend a study of the entire 18th chapter of St
Matthew. This chapter deals with offenses and forgiveness. Jesus points this out in the
|ST. MATTHEW 18:
| 7. Woe unto the world because of offenses! for
it must needs be that offenses come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!
Even in our marriages, offenses will come. We must learn to
overcome them by pulling together (Verse 18-20.)
Most professionals will agree that a child's outlook on life
is shaped by events and experiences that transpire during the first 5 to 7 years of life.
If these events were destructive, they can lead to a life of destruction unless those
individuals can be redirected through counseling and rehabilitation (Studies show that the
majority of child abusers were abused themselves when they were children.)
The purpose of God's word in our life is to renew our minds
and correct the misconceptions that satan has filled us with through life experiences.
| 23. And be renewed in the spirit of your
| 24. And that ye put on the new man, which after
God is created in righteousness and true holiness.
| 1. I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the
mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God,
which is your reasonable service.
| 2. And be not conformed to this world: but
be ye TRANSFORMED by the RENEWING OF YOUR MIND, that ye prove what is that good,
and acceptable, and perfect will of God.
I feel that the same situation exists in a marriage.
During the first three years, events can happen that can set a marriage on a course with
divorce. We also bring experiences from previous marriages and ideas shaped during
childhood. The only way to correct these situation is to use God's word as a guide to help
put our marriage back on a solid foundation.
Forgiveness is one of the greatest tools at our disposal.
As shown in verse 17-19, unrepentance and forgiveness can bind
any situation. See how the servant was bound and cast into prison because he would not
forgive a debt (verses 31-35.) Not only did he bind himself, he also bound his wife,
children and all that he had (verse 25). If we don't forgive our spouse for those hurts in
the past, we bind our marriage to certain failure (1 Peter 3:7.)
|ST. MARK 11:
| 25. And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye
have ought against any: that your father also which is in heaven may forgive you
| 26. But if ye do not forgive, neither
will your Father which is in heaven forgive you your trespasses.
When we came to Jesus, our lives were filthy. Jesus looked
beyond all that and still loved us enough to die for us (St John 3:16). He cleansed us and
cast our sins into the sea of forgiveness. God no longer remembers our sins. He declared
that we are new creatures and that old things were past away (II Corinthians 5:17). He now
commands us to go and sin no more (Romans 6:1, 1 John 1:1-3.)
If we truly love our spouse, we must learn to do the same
Let this be the first night of the rest of your lives
together. You must be willing to commit to each other as we must be willing to commit our
ways to Christ. You both must be willing to change and give your best effort even as you
must be willing to keep Christ's commandments (St John 14:15 If ye love me, keep my
commandments). Christ never brings up our past so we should not bring up our spouse's past
once we have forgiven them.
Learn to see each other for what they can be and not for what
they used to be. Your spouse will never be able to change as long as you continually hold
their past in front of them. The way to live holy is to learn to focus on Jesus and what
you can do and not on the sin and temptation that you are fighting to overcome. Learn to
confess what you want your spouse to be instead of what they are not.
As you begin to apply the truth's of God word to you marriage
and your family, you will find that your life will be fuller. However, the tendency will
be to say, everything is fine now so let me return to business as usual. If you follow
this attitude, you will find that things will get worse as they return to normal.
If someone you loved was terminally ill, you would want to
spend every possible moment with them. If they were no longer able to get about, you would
regret all the things that you've dreamed about doing with them that you never got around
to because you were so busy or to lazy.
If you think of your marriage and family in the same light, it
will prompt us to say and act because we know that we will not always be able to be there.
Remember that no relationship just happens, it is built. We must
continue to work on making what we have better through the guidance of the Holy Ghost.
In order for a marriage to be true, we must adhere to these
principles. The man must do his part and become the spiritual head of his home. He must
step to the front and lead. He must never neglect to love his wife and sacrifice for her
sake. Being the head does not mean being a dictator. Christ lets us make
our own decisions. He asks us to follow him but the choice is still ours. We should lead
our wives, but the choice is still theirs. But, if we show true love and if Christ is the
center of our marriage, they will follow.
The wife should love her husband enough to submit to him, even
as we must love Christ enough to submit to him. We have trouble in christianity when we
refuse to submit to Christ's Lordship of our lives. A marriage will always have trouble
and never be full and complete until we follow these God given principles.
We can either follow God's principles and succeed or our own
principles and fail: there is no middle ground!!!!
(1) Individually commit your own life to the Lord.
(2) Reaffirm your commitment to marriage and to each other.
(3) Forgive each other totally of wrongs that have occurred in
(4) Communicate openly and regularly with your spouse
(a) Express your needs and
desires to your spouse
(b) Listen attentively to
their needs and desires
(c) Strive to fulfill
their needs and desires
(5) Never discuss divorce or separation as an option.
(6) Walk daily with the Lord and ask him to Guide you in the
building of a fruitful relationship with your spouse.
Since a husband is suppose to be to his wife, what Jesus is to
the church, I think it is important that we examine the role of servant. If Jesus can
humble himself to wash his disciples feet (St John 13:4-20), surely men must denounce the
macho attitude of the world and relieve some of the household burdens from their wives
(washing dishes, taking care of children, general help, etc...). Jesus says that he who
would become great among you must be servant of all (St Matthew 20:27, 23:11.)
He even humbled himself to death on the cross. He loved us
even when he knew we didn't deserve it. This is what true love, God's love, is all about.
We must love our spouse and fulfill our part of God's requirement regardless of whether we
think our mate deserves it or not. Their non-compliance does not relieve us of our
responsibility towards God.
In the old days, everyone worked from sun-up to sun-down.
Everyone pulled their share of the Load. Now-a-days, most men work 8 to 10 hours a day
while their wives continue to work from sun-up to sun-down. Their work is never done. Even
if they work 8 hours a day outside of the home, they are still expected to maintain the
house and provide for the children (if there are any: satan has convinced many of us that
we don't need them but that's another study within itself. Do remember that God wants to
use you to raise a Godly seed, Malachi 2:14-16). It is no wonder that they are always
tired and frustrated. If men love their wives, they must accept the task of relieving some
of their wife's burden.
True love and fulfilling the role of a servant will enhance
your happiness in your current relationship. There is great joy to be found in giving and
serving from the heart.
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